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He used to come into my room and watch me sleep. I always pretended because I didn't know what to do at that age.
The first time happened when we came home from school. I ran upstairs to try and play with my dolls but he made me stop and go downstairs with him. At the age of 5, you don't know what's going on nor what's going to happen.
We went downstairs, he started touching me weirdly. Rubbing on my butt and trying to kiss me. He made me undress and sit on the couch and that's when he started performing sexual acts on me.
Years down the line of this happening every single day, I hit age 11. My menstrual cycle started at my grandfather's birthday party. He was there of course. After my menstrual ended he decided to go a lot further. Actual penetration this time. It hurt and I cried out for help but no one was there but me and him. I kicked and screamed and begged Jesus for help. This was the day I lost my faith in myself, in God, in everything. I begged and begged and begged but he wouldn't let off.
Age 12. My little cousin decided to stay the night. She is 7. We're asleep in the same bed. Every night around 1am , I woken up because I knew what time he was going to come in and touch me. 1:30am he came and saw my cousin and started to reach his hand to touch her. I told him to stop and I actually tried to fight. He choked me hard and said, "If you tell anyone I will kill you, I will kill your mom, your cousin, everyone". Age 12 being choked up against the wall scared for my life. I agreed to not tell because I believed it was true. He hit my mom constantly, anyways I told him to leave her alone and just touch me. I tried to protect her as much as I could but I couldn't. He eventually started to touch her. Me and my younger cousin cried every time we were together because we didn't know what to do.
Age 13, my birthday party. My older sister and little cousin stayed the night with me. The first time with my sister is when she got out the shower. My mom was sleep and we thought he was too but no. He came out the room and asked my sister to let him smell her feet to make sure she actually washed. My sister came in my room crying, telling me everything. He even threatened her as well. He used to touch all 3 of us at the same time. All we could do is cry. I tried multiple times screaming out for help, but come to find out he drugged my mom. For days and nights I couldn't sleep.
Age 14, going to high school. I've gotten in trouble with my older cousin. She allowed some boys in our grandparents house. She lied on me saying I did it, and of course I've gotten in trouble by my aunt because she never liked me. My whole life she used to threaten me, call me slow, and stupid. Saying I will never be nothing but a good fuck. By age 14 I wanted to die. I've tried multiple times to kill myself but kept getting caught.
The night before the first day of school. My aunt took me upstairs to beat my butt for "bringing boys in the house", but before the first swing, she asked a question. This question was, "has Bryan ever touched you". I broke down and said yes. She thought I was lying and hit me. She kept hitting me until I said these words, "go ask your daughter. I tried to protect her but I couldn't." She stopped and got her and asked the same question. My little cousin broke down too and said yes. My aunt looked at both of us, dropped the belt, and walked out the room. I stood there crying, not from the whooping, but from telling. I thought I had put my entire family in danger. Eventually I went downstairs and everyone was there except my mom because she had just had surgery. My little cousin older brother, my oldest cousin, saw me coming and ran to me and told me, I'm a piece of shit, how could I do this, and that he hate me. Fun fact, he knew I was getting molested/raped. He was there for some of it happening only to me. He didn't care, he actually joined in.
My mom called and asked why didn't I scream for help or say anything. I told her over and over and over that I did, that we did. She paused and said over and over it was her fault. I knew it wasn't her fault but it definitely felt like it was mine. That entire night we spent with the police. Answering questions, getting recorded, getting tested by the hospital. That night was scary and intense.
Age 15, it's court time. Missing days of school to see the man who ruined me. Me and my entire family is together about to pray. Me, my little cousin, and older sister looked to our left and we see him standing, looking at us, smiling and laughing. We were terrified. Me and my sister dad saw him and tried to kill him in front of us. He got pulled away by the police and so did Bryan. While my dad was getting dragged away his exact words were, "mark my words when you get out I will find you and kill you". My dad is a Marine Corps Vet and has a history of doing evil things. We knew it was true.
During court, his lawyer, is drilling me. She tried to make it out that I wanted this. That I was a whore. That we all deserve this. I couldn't take it. I ran off the stand. I tried to be strong and stand up tall but having him look at me with an evil smirk on his face and his lawyer grilling me, I couldn't do it anymore.
After all our testimonies, he got sentenced to 20 years in prison. We thought we were free. He is getting out in the beginning of 2019. I'm afraid for my life, for my family life. He knows where we live and we see his mom every time we go to the grocery store by our house. She always give me that same exact look her son gave me.
So here is part of my story. I'm getting ready and I'm getting stronger. Yes I'm afraid but I can't let it affect me.

volume 1

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